Every evening, Rohan goes for a walk. It’s not a brisk walk. He is not doing it for his health. It’s a leisurely stroll. A saunter. A walk that is being taken for no ulterior motives. It’s as if he wants to float in the sea but since that’s too much of a hassle every day, he is making do with floating on the land. He walks without any sense of direction, turns when he wants to, stops when he likes to, and resumes when he wishes to. He walks by the trees, in the park, towards the bus stand, into the crowd, through a traffic jam, in a vacant parking lot, near the bustling coffee shops, and anywhere and everywhere. He walks without pretense, he walks as if he doesn’t have to go back home, as if he doesn’t want to go back home.
That evening, he stopped near a coffee shop. It’s one of those posh ones with the walls replaced with transparent glasses so that the poor people on the street can see rich people sipping coffee and having conversations and laughing and reading books and doing something on their MacBooks and unconsciously showing everyone their little bubble of happiness. It’s as if the people inside the coffee shops are collectively saying- come, peek inside our lives for a moment or two because you will never get a chance again. Rohan hates such coffee shops. Just have walls, for god’s sake.
But he himself is guilty of spending time in one of those. However, none of these are the reasons he stopped near the shop. He stopped because he spotted Ria inside. She is sitting with a guy and it looks like they are having a damn good time. Just have walls, for god’s sake. He remembers how he and Ria used to go out in this same coffee shop, three years ago. They too used to have a damn good time. She would always order an iced chocolate shake with whipped cream and she would always ask them to add some more of that whipped cream.
“That’s literally begging”.
“Yeah, but they don’t mind”.
She looked happy then and she looks happy now. It’s hard when people move on without telling you. Rohan thinks of saying ‘hi’ to her but then decides against it. He continues to saunter for another thirty-six years.
Every night, Ria goes for a walk. It’s a brisk walk. The motive is to be healthy and control her sugar. Once she is done with the walk, she calls her son in Chicago to wish him good morning. She calls him every day and he doesn’t seem to mind either.
“Mom, I am asking this again. Why won’t you come to the US and stay with us? You will get to play with your grandkids also. They miss you”.
“I miss them too but I will get bored there and anyway two-three years more and you’ll stop worrying about me”.
She is optimistic about her death. Ria lost her husband to cancer a year ago and since then she has been living by herself. Living is not easy, especially when you are all alone. And old. You tend to think about all the ‘what ifs’.
A few years ago, Ria and her husband went to Prague for a holiday. They were sitting in a bar, both of them slightly drunk and happy.
“Can I ask you something, Ria?”
“Yes.”
“Who was that man you ran after, like 20-21 years ago? I remember we were having coffee in that posh cafe and you looked outside through the window glass and you just ran.”
“What? I don’t remember”.
She gulps down her drink. He smiles. He knows that he will never get to know the answer. He knows that she knows what he is talking about. Women are very secretive. He wishes if he could peek into her mind. Then immediately, he wishes against it. He is happy with how things are. He smiles a bit more and orders for another round.
She knows that he knows that she knows what he is talking about.
“Mom, did you call?”
“Yes. My app isn’t working. Can you order me an iced coffee?”
“Of course. Should I add whipped cream?”
“No, I don’t like whipped cream”.
Ria disconnects. She goes into her living room and turns on the TV. It’s just noise. She collects her thoughts. What if Rohan had turned around that day? What if that coffee shop had a concrete wall?
Living is not easy, especially when you are all alone. And old. You tend to think about all the ‘what ifs’.
i read everything written by you today, thank you existing , thank you for inspiring
Living is not easy, especially when you are all alone. And old. You tend to think about all the ‘what ifs’. Life suck but it’s fun although