I have woken up in the middle of a forest. I don’t know how I reached here. There is no way out. I have been walking aimlessly for the past hour. Or has it been one day? I don’t know. The forest seems to be expanding. I know I have to find a way out but I can’t. The more I walk, the more lost I feel. I am wearing the same clothes as I was wearing last night at this house party that I went to. I normally avoid going to parties because the music is too loud and the people are even louder. But last night was a fun thing. People were singing my favourite songs, and it wasn’t loud, and there were conversations and laughter and wine. I like these kind of soirees. At one point, this one gentleman even played a bit of Chopin. It was fantastic. I wanted to walk up to him to appreciate his skills but I chose to concentrate on my hors d'oeuvre instead. Does Paneer Tikka qualify to be called some form of hors d'oeuvre? I doubt.
I remember talking to someone, later in the evening, about how the use of sonorism was quite common in earlier Polish compositions, or about some other basic topic. All I remember of that conversation is that it wasn’t worth remembering at all. And as I was babbling my thoughts to this ex-colleague, the fantastic gentleman who played Chopin popped in and gave his two cents. He talked in depth about music and how his dad made him learn all the classical pieces when he was just ten. Must be a rich fucker, I thought. After spending about fifteen minutes with us, he went out for a smoke. I don’t think I saw him after that. A wise man knows when to leave a party. I overstayed.
I don’t remember how I reached home but I remember unlocking my front door. Due to incessant rains, the wooden main door of my house has swollen and it requires a solid push to open it. In fact, my arm is still aching from that push. I walked inside my apartment at around 1 AM, I think. It was completely dark and for some reason, I decided not to switch on any lights. I have been living in this house for the past ten years. I know my way. For a while, I stood near the kitchen, contemplating whether I should make some coffee or not. I decided against it and went straight to bed. A bottle of water was already there on my newly bought IKEA side table.
I drink less water now. I eat less as well. I don’t know, but for the past year, I don’t feel hungry or thirsty. It’s like something is eating me up from inside. I have also lost a significant amount of weight. I don’t know if it’s a con or a pro, but as long as I don’t cough blood, I am not going to a doctor. I am one of those self-diagnosing-self-treating kind of a guy for almost everything, as long as blood isn’t involved. I chose to take a sip of water from the bottle before falling flat on my bed. It was a good party. One good thing about reaching home late at night is that you don’t have to deal with anxiety. This has also been one of my hacks around dealing with anxiety. Stay out, keep yourself busy and be so tired when you reach home that the only option you have is to fall asleep. Of course, it doesn’t work always. There is nothing in this world that works always. Last night, it didn’t. I spiraled from one thing to another before concluding what an absolute disaster my life has been so far, and how it will continue to be so. If there was a secret passage in my mattress to escape from this world, I would’ve jumped without giving it a second thought. Alas, there wasn’t.
I think I have found a way. I follow some kind of light which is coming from very far away. I think this is the way out of this forest. I am tired of walking but I muster up some courage, wipe the sweat and start walking in that direction. The path isn’t exactly what you would call smooth. And I am wearing my bathroom slippers. How the fuck have I reached this place? Okay, let me think about this later. I walk and walk and walk. A strange sort of music is playing. I start walking faster. It’s Chopin. Someone is playing the same piece that gentleman played last night. I keep walking but then the light goes out. The music fades. I am now more lost than ever. I look up in exasperation. No sky to be seen. I get a feeling that I am stuck here. Forever. I somehow walk back to the place I woke up at. My half-eaten sandwich and a bottle of water are still there. Lying on the ground. I drink some water. A strange thought comes to my mind. Am I stuck or have I escaped? I scream, not for help, but just like that. Just because I feel like screaming. Just because I have never screamed in my life ever. Tears roll down. A small tinge of happiness. Maybe I don’t want to go back.
The doorbell rings. It’s the milkman. I look up in exasperation. I get a feeling that I am stuck here. Forever. I don’t answer the door. I look around. It’s the same house. Or is this the jungle? I don’t know anymore. There is no light coming from anywhere. It’s dark. Good morning. I play some Schubert and get ready for another day. How much more?
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WOW. Kya likha hai.
Loved it, Vishal.