You open your social media account to post a thought. It's a wordplay. A light hearted joke. It will get at least a few shares. However, you don't post it. It's insensitive. More people have died today than yesterday. You scroll your timeline and it's all about death. The trigger warnings have disappeared. Everything is triggering now. You feel like you are standing in the middle of a chaotic hospital. People are asking for blood, you share the posts. You scream in your loudest voice. "Someone give him blood". No one can hear you. It's just a share. You don't know if he actually gets the blood or not. You click the share button a few more times. You feel helpless. You log out.
A friend called yesterday. He wanted to know if I had any contacts in the cemetery. I never knew there'd be a day where you would need contacts in the cemetery. I gave him the contact. I didn't have the courage to ask him why he needed it. He understood my uneasiness. "My mom's cousin died", he said. "Thank god", I sighed. "I mean I'm so sorry for your loss." He forgave my faux pas. People become more forgiving in grief.
I am walking around in my apartment complex. I stop by to read the notice board. The uncle who lives on the 10th floor has tested positive for Covid. The lift will not stop at the tenth floor. They even wrote that the inconvenience is regretted. I forgive them for this inconvenience that has been caused to me by an old man contracting this terrible virus. I continue with my evening walk. Mask up and lose some weight. I think about how I gained weight during this pandemic when there were people who walked to Kanpur from Ghaziabad. There were people who depended on the government schemes for their daily food. And look at me, I gained weight. But is it even ok to feel privileged about such things? Because then the privilege will never end. I must not think so terribly of myself. I must continue with my walk.
My dad was unusually quiet yesterday. His closest friend had passed away. I had never heard of this friend before. But my dad said that he was his closest friend. I had no reason to not believe him. My dad tells me that he and his friend used to live together during their college years. Then they lost touch. Now I don't know what he is sadder about - the fact that they lost touch or the fact that his friend passed away. I am sure it’s the latter. Or maybe both. It felt like yesterday was a tough day for my dad. But he is stronger. He has seen death. He will cope. I need to get back to my phone.
I open my social media account. I don't want to post a joke anymore. I don't want to criticize the government. I don't share the posts. I feel nothing. The virus has destroyed our sense of empathy. I log out and switch off the internet on my phone. That's the only way one can live during such times. Unaware.
More power to you, your dad, and all of us to go through these times. Please never stop writing❤
Your dad is a strong man with superhuman abilities 💪